Blessed

Carson can I just tell you how much I love you and what a sweetie you are!  Mommy wasn't expecting to get pregnant again so soon after your brother.  I had a hard time during my pregnancy with you because I just didn't feel ready for another baby and when you were born, I struggled so much! Call it what you want Postpartum depression/baby blues but it was the pits.  I wanted to love you so much, I wanted to be happy you were here, but I couldn't. Your momma shed lots of tears each day for awhile.   I felt guilty for not having the feelings I thought I should.  I worried too much about other things than just taking care of my baby boys!  I had high expectations about what you were going to be like, I thought since Noah was a difficult baby that you would be a sleeper and wouldn't ever cry (crazy thought I know, I know now that's not exactly how it works)  But we all stuck in there, and you can be such a good baby.  You have  the cutest/funniest smile, you love your momma so much, your laugh makes me melt, and I can't tell you how much of a joy you are to be around.  I am so thankful for you, I'm thankful God knew better than us and had you planned all along.  I can't imagine life without you buddy and for the record couldn't love you more!  We are so glad you joined this family Carson and we can't wait to see what good buddies you and your big brother will be!  We have so many fun years ahead of us!